Do you ever stop and think to yourself, “I am so incredibly selfish.”
I’m having one of those moments. Let me give you a little back story. In the first year of our marriage, we overcame:
-Coming home from our honeymoon to my parent’s house (we were living with them at the time because my husband was still in the years-long search for a cop job)
-Surprise! You may be bringing home your newborn to your parent’s basement.
-No worries, your husband just got a job as a security guard at the county prison. Sure, you’re pretty much going to be a single working mom since he’ll be working overnights. But go ahead and start looking for a house.
-Welcome to your first real home! And say hello to your lovely baby girl 🙂
-Just kidding, your husband is getting laid off after 7 months of working and now you have a brand new baby and a brand new mortgage with no reliable source of income or medical insurance.
I know that things could have been SO MUCH WORSE. We were all healthy. We had somewhere to go if need be. And luckily unemployment helped us get by for the meantime (ahem, 6 months.) But dang, I can’t believe I survived with my sanity despite all of life’s curve balls, all the while dealing with post-partum.
And now: I have an incredible husband with a steady Monday-Friday job, a healthy and vivacious little girl, I get to work with my mother and sister at a thriving dance studio (in fact, I feel guilty calling it work because I love it so much), both my husband and myself have amazing and supportive families, sure we budget but we’re comfortable enough that we aren’t worried about money, I could go on and on.
And for some darn reason all of this isn’t enough for me. And no, that wasn’t me bragging. I still have those nagging thoughts of “I can’t wait to have my dream house.” or “I wish we could just take off and fly to some tropical paradise without having to budget for an entire year.” What is wrong with me?
I know that it’s just human nature. To want more than you have. But I think I need to have a little reality check, and I guess this is it.